A Bit Of Chaos Is Good For You

By Evan Sanders


You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star - Nietzsche

"Go to the deepest darkest place you can let yourself be and see if you can find a little light up in the top right corner?"

Yes, I saw that little light. For years, I thought that light was something by the name of resilience. What I really didn't know was that the light was actually joy. How could joy exist in this incredibly dark moment? How could joy be present in this horrid and awful time?

I remember how it felt in that bad moment. Everything was absolutely black. The darkest black you could even imagine. If you have ever seen a black table that has been lacquered thousands of times, the depths seem unending. This situation and time in my life was this kind of black and it was as thick is molasses.

However, there had been the presence of light. The only issue was, I wasn't trying to find it.

It is not going to be that easy for me to go back to this place. There are a considerable number of things that I have buried deep so absolutely no one could ever find them. Thing is, I knew they were there. They have been there all the time. I truly have been so frightened to let them bubble up that I have actually run from my past right into the future and have totally forgotten about the present. That is no way to live life. That isn't how my life will be lived from now on.

This place, while dark, can be illuminated. Like all dark places, bring a bright enough lantern into it and you can start to see things as they really are and not just how your frightened mind has interpreted them to be. So I'm going to be bringing that light in.

Into the depths we go.




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